just musing

What a beautiful day. It's 7:30 and still 55 degrees, much nicer than the minus 2 degrees it was last week. The days are getting longer and it won't be long before spring is actully here. Can't wait. I finished my other shutters, kind of like how they look on the wall. Bought some more to start on so wish me luck.

Spent part of last week in Woodbury with Heather and the girls. Children just amaze me. I know I had 5 of my own but it just seems that the second time around, when you get to actually spend time with the grandchildren it's a whole different feeling. For one thing, you're more patient, another is that everything they say is cute (even if it's not so cute to mom and dad) and the constant questions and search for answers doesn't seem as irritating as it did when it's your own children.

Maybe that's just me but I have a hunch most grandma's feel the same way, either that or I was not a very good mother. But, spending time with them also brings back memories of special times you spent with your own children. The long walks with them, picking up rocks to bring back for our rock garden, throwing rocks into the river and picking wildflowers are just a few of the many outdoor experiences we had.

Living in a very secluded area in eastern South Dakota, the memories of spending time outdoors with my kids are among the best memories I have.

When I got back home Jaden and Logan spent Saturday and Sunday with me. We went to the park cuz when it's nice out grandma just has to be outdoors. Then returned home and watched a movie. This morning Jaden challenged me to a game of playstation football, boy am I bad. Had no idea what I was doing and I apologize to the Packer team for such a poor showing. Guitar hero was next which I am a little bit better at. Of course I was taking the easy route and Jaden tried a little more advanced modes. He still beat me most of the time. All the while Logan, the resident artist was drawing many pictures for everyone.

Watched "The Women" with Heidi in the afternoon, good movie.

And at 3:05 my phone rang and it was work asking if I forgot to come in. Oops, I had signed up for an extra shift but forgot to write it on my calendar. Made the rest of the weekend real short because I worked from 3:30 pm until 9 am the next morning. Then back again at 5 pm until 9 am Tuesday. Guess I'll have most of my hours in for the week by Wednesday. Yeah!!

So that was my week.

Now it's time to read abnormal psychology, will let you know if anything interesting comes out of that reading.

For now, have a great day and hope to be back before the week is up.

by the way.....

by clc

what do you think of that by line, used to be my dads, only it was by mrh, always has a special meaning so will probably use it once in awhile.

More later.....

And Pam if you're reading this, remember I G..A..S love ya

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Hey, I'm Back

Hi all,

Long time no write... I don't even know what my excuse is, but whatever I come up with I'm sure it will be the whole truth, nothing but the truth, so help me God.

I decided that the reason it's been non stop snowing is because my last blog says 'it's snowing' and since I haven't written since then it didn't know it was supposed to stop. So hear this weather, 'It's spring', let's see if that works.

I'm back in school, taking two classes that I really enjoy and have been doing some re-creation of stuff, finally purchased a good printer and have been printing pictures and doing some painting.

I recently moved into an apartment and if you've ever rented before you know it's unusual to be able to paint the walls in apartments. They are usually pretty bland. Not exactly liking the stark whiteness and knowing it would take some pretty big art work to break up the wall I had to use the old right brain and come up with something affordable to brighten up the place.

First step was to go to the habitat restore where others bring discarded objects for resale in which the profits go to building habitat homes. I found some old grey shutters for $3 apiece. I purchased four of them thinking that would definately break up the white wall in my living room area. The picture above shows two of them that I have fininshed and am working on the other two. The entire project cost me around $13. Not bad for an original piece of artwork. Even if the artist is currently unknown.

My re-creating is something I've been thinking about and have dabbled in previously but with the economy the way it is I'm thinking it might be my future. Making old stuff into something new certainly has it's advantages financially and also uniquely. Kate's creations will definately be original."

So if you or anyone you know has objects de'art sitting around taking up space, let me know, I'd be happy to make them into something new and unique for you.

I am also painting on some tiles, will have pictures of those later but if you have a favorite saying and would like to have it displayed on your desk, wall, or kitchen counter, let me know and also your decor for the room and I will create an art piece with the words you want to be reminded of daily.

I also bought a couple old dirty, not very attractive lamps at the restore and turned them into art deco lighting for my living room and bedroom.
So between school, working full time at the domestic abuse shelter and being creative, I've been pretty busy.

Of course the best part of being back in Brookings is spending time with all my family and catching up with friends that I hadn't seen for a year.

Have a few birthdays to catch up on and now that I'm back those blogs will be written soon. Actually three grandchildren and two sons, two sisters and a brother have celebrated birthdays since November. I guess it won't be hard to come up with some interesting stories for those special days.

But for now I think I'll leave you with this food for thought, "You were born an original, don't die a copy", good advice for everyone but especially for young people.

Have a great day and will be back soon, hopefully before it snows again.

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It's Snowing

Good Morning everyone!

Actually it's almost noon and there are tiny snowflakes falling out of the sky, I heard it may happen but I'm still surprised and a little excited. I did hear that it would be nice for Halloween though so that's good.

This is my last week of work at the Casino, words can't address the relief I feel. It has been quite an experience living up north but am very happy to be moving back to civilization. I've enjoyed the time spent at Ruttgers but the Casino experience is a whole different ballgame. Very depressing, very sad and just mind numbing. And since I worry abou the mind numbing thing anyway I think it is a good choice. I have three nights left, yes nights. I work from 4:30 pm until 1:00, not good hours for an old fart like me. I don't sleep well when I get home, therefore it's hard to get up in the morning, just not good for me.

Will be packing up this week but right now I'm going to go for a walk in the falling snow. Will write more later, love you all,

Katie

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wonderful weekend

Traveled to South Dakota last Wednesday. It was so great. I got to see almost everyone that I wanted to. My mom, Mark and Nancy, Abby, Logan and Jaden, Chris and Krit and Jared and Laurie and Chellie and Gramma Oni. Also saw Matt, Lisa and kids, watched Mahyle play volleyball.

Spent some time painting Jared and Laurie's basement, playing with the grandchildren (fun, fun, fun), decorating for Halloween and visiting.

Played a little basketball with Jaden. I thought I'd go easy on him, but when he beat me at horse three times in a row, (after the first time I really was trying) I started to wish I had my daughters' skills. Anyway he finally said "how bout if we just play pig", we did and he beat me at that too. Then he suggested "how about "it", maybe you can beat me then", I think I did win that one. He's a pretty good player and seems excited about playing.

Logan is in Pre-kindergarten and preschool and his teachers are Mrs. Hausman and June. He says Mrs. Hausman is his favorite. Of course having your great aunt for your pre-K teacher has to be kind of special, right Lisa??? He wrote his name for me and was very excited to draw circles, rectangles, squares and rectangles for grandma.




Then there is Abby. What a character. She will be 3 on Christmas day and talks non stop at times. Jared told me that they are trying to get her to stay in her room all night. Said it's going pretty well. One night after they were all in bed she was putting them to the test. "Dad can you year me?" No answer, "can you hear me mom?" still no answer. "There's a monster in my closet, did you hear that?" I can only imagine how hard it was to stifle the giggles after that one. She has the curliest blond hair and the biggest blue eyes that just melt dad's heart.

I also got to talk to Mike's Nancy, it was her birthday, Happy Birthday Nancy, Thanks for the pictures.

My friend Chelli came out to the house to see me and brought me a delicious scone also, it was just a great time. We seem to be able to just take up where we left off, I'm so glad to have her as a friend. It was so nice to see you Chelli and thanks for the scone.

On my way back home I had a job interview in the cities so got to see Heather, Steve, Tatym and Autymn also. Both girls seem to be enjoying school. Pretty scary web on the front of their house, must have been an enormous spider that spun that one. I just figured out that if you click on the pictures on my blog, they open up larger and you can see them better if you choose, then just back arrow and the blog is back, pretty cool. If you do that with this one you can see the web on the house.


The job is exactly what I 'm looking for so say a prayer if you will that it turns out positive.

Then I got back to work and was told I was suspended. Nice!!! Someone was supposed to tell me that I had to be fingerprinted again, but no one did. Anyway it wasn't a big deal, just had to go get them done again (although not sure why because the guy that did them said the machine wasn't working so I'd probably have to have it done again), have to carry a paper around with me that says I am legal to work so they don't kick me out. Everyone please say a prayer that I get a different job soon, please.

The leaves have really changed since I left last week. I spent 3 hours yesterday on my way home from Ruttgers taking pictures. The scenery around the lakes is breathtaking. Makes the drive very enjoyable. This picture was taken by one of the many lakes in Minnesota. If you know of anyone looking for a nature photographer, let me know because I think many of my photos are pretty good. Think I got the eye for a good photo from dad. Thanks dad, mom called earlier and said she would tell you hi. Sure hope they get better service in Estelline soon so she doesn't have to sit in the cemetery to call us. Said she called all her kids and 3 didn't answer. Shame on you Pam, Mike and Pat, better call her back. (ha, ha) It's a little chilly in the morning, was 41 here yesterday morning. Got up to about 65, much the same today.

Hope everyone is enjoying the beautiful fall weather.

More to come later ........

Have a great week!!! Don't forget to stop for a moment each day and just do nothing. It is so good for the soul. Don't think about anything, don't worry about anything, don't stress, just breathe. Find a place in nature that provides calmness to your being and breathe, breathe, breathe. It makes your day so much better.


Lilkate

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Stop the abuse

I heard it again recently. “That’s just how things were” when discussing abuse of children. Like it was okay because they didn’t know any better. Who the hell are they talking about? Is there sexual abuse in every family? I have a hard time believing that. The idea that it was done in the past and hasn’t hurt anyone so it’s not that big a deal is preposterous.

In whose world is it all right to take the innocence from young children for a perverted adult’s pleasure? Where is it written that because you are a child you are required to provide sexual pleasure to those who God entrusted to love you and care for you?

Sometimes I feel as if I’m living in a science fiction porno drama filled movie. The idea that no one is harmed when small children are used as property is heart breaking.

Move on, forgive and forget yada yada yada. For many that is how to survive. I have forgiven, but I will never forget. It’s when people choose to forget that the cycle continues. Just because I talk about what happened doesn’t mean it is controlling my life. My fear is that if it isn’t discussed, it will continue.

That must be what has happened over the years if people truly believe “that’s just how it was”. It happened, you forget it, you move on.

Guess what it happened, you never forget it, you move on and somewhere, somehow it will haunt you and future generations as long as people go through life moving on as if nothing happened. After all, it was instrumental in making you the individual you are today.

Before the memories of abuse came back to me, I was very nice. Extremely nice, always trying to please everyone, never wanting anyone to not like me. I was submissive and depressed, very depressed.

At first when I remembered, I was so very angry, at times hysterical, close to suicide. I then wanted to talk about it, maybe to figure out why it happened, why I didn’t remember, why I was feeling so guilty, but no one wanted to listen.

Someone very close to me told me one day “I don’t like this new Cathy”. I was finally thinking about me instead of others all the time. Not that I still didn’t care about others, I always have and always will but I had a great need to find out what happened, why I was the person I was, why I was always hurting inside.

This caring individual was more like the “Queen of denial”, if you don’t think about it; it never happened kind of person. She was the one I called when the memories surfaced. She was the one I needed and she tried so hard to be there. For a long time she tried, but then the familiar, just forget it and move on.

Don’t let them control you, she reminded me again recently of that. Like I don’t know, like I can’t figure it out that if I never thought about the abuse I could almost pretend it never happened but it doesn’t work that way unfortunately.

I don’t dwell on it, many days I don’t even think about it. However, when I hear someone say, “That’s just how things were” or when discussing domestic abuse, “she must be getting something out of it or why would she stay”, I get livid. That mentality is what continues the awful cycle of abuse, whether it is domestic, sexual, psychological or physical.

At one point in time, a co-worker and I were talking. I shared her with her what had happened to me and her response was, “I’m sorry that happened to you”. And she listened. That’s all. How I needed that. Thank you Jacki for that, I’ll never forget it.

Abuse comes in many forms and until society figures out that ABUSE OF ANY KIND IS WRONG, SHOULD NOT BE TOLERATED, there will be those who say, “That’s just how it was”.

My usual answer is “we used to travel by horse and buggy, but found a better way and we changed how we travel”; the same is true of how humans should treat others. There is a better way. If you choose to believe it's okay because that’s how it’s been then give up your car, indoor plumbing, designer clothing or clothing at all for that matter. Give up your house, your RV, your boat and go back to living how it used to be.

See if that makes you change your opinion.

Another day, another blog … just had to be said

Next one will be more uplifting, I promise….

Lesson for today ….

Sometimes listening and saying “I’m sorry that happened to you”, is all that’s required. And a hug always helps!

(to clarify, those who abused this author were no relation to her)

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Happy Birthday Ang

Thirty-six years ago was one of the best years of my life. One reason only, my first child was born.

I'm not sure the excitement of being a first time mom can be put into words. It's like no feeling in the world when that baby is placed in your arms for the first time. Everything else is reduced to nothing.

First excitement then exhaustion. You laugh, you cry, you smile, you finally breathe normally.

Angie was indeed a beautiful baby. I know, you're thinking oh all first time mothers think that, but she really was a beauty. Perfect round face, 8 lbs 5 oz, 19 inches long, just a little butterball. She's still short but the baby fat has definately disappeared. She's now 5'4" (she says anyway) and there's not an ounce of fat on her. She is a personal trainer in addition to a day care provider.

Her website is listed on the left hand side of this site in case anyone is interested in some excellent fitness tips and help with gettng in shape. She has helped many accomplish their goals. There are pictures of before and after on her site and they are amazing.

She has also been an inspiration to many young people through the years. I think the first children she provided a loving environment for are probably in high school. That was in Aberdeen, SD. She nows provides the same environment for young children in Colorado.

I have observed her role as day care provider and it is amazing what she accomplishes. She is organized beyond belief (unlike her mother I'm afraid), she accomplishes so much in a single day and provides so much love to the children she watches (I'll take a little bit of credit for her day care accomplishments because if I hadn't provided her with all those younger sisters and brothers she wouldn't have gotten so much experience which I'm sure made her want to go into that field right??) and incentive to the adults she trains.

In addition she designs websites and was the one who encouraged me to start this blog.

I am so very proud of her. From the very first time I held her in my arms to this day she has made me laugh. There were times she made me cry also, don't all kids?? She has always believed I could accomplish more than I ever thought I could and continues to encourage me daily.

For this Angie, I want to thank you. I also want you to know that I have loved you and still feel that sense of excitement each and every time you reach another of your goals.

So thank you Ang for everything you have provided in my life.

Your smile...
Your support...
Your love...
Your babysitting your siblings... (most of the time)
Your loving nature...
Your encouragement...
Your house cleaning... (boy my house would have been a disaster without her)
Your always being there for all of us...

Know that you are loved so very much...
Know that you have a support system here... (and in Watertown, Bruce, Brookings, White and Wodbury)
Know that we miss you every day...
Know that I thank God for September 5, 1972 often, how that day changed my life...

Hope I haven't embarassed you, but if I did, you are the one who started me writing this thing.

Thought for the day .... Appreciate family, they are the most important things you will ever have. Remember the good things, forget the not so good.

PS to the rest of my children ... you will get your turn, I promise.

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Ramblings - football weather

It's getting chilly tonight. This is the weather I like, warm and toasty during the day and cooler in the evening. I always call it football weather. Probably because for many years my Friday evenings were spent at the local football field watching the males in the family play football and the females cheer them on. And the weather was just like this.

I remember the first Friday after my youngest flew the coop. I was in Aberdeen and stopped to get a coffee on the way home. Sounds of the crowd at the football field drifted across the road as the band started playing the "Star Spangled Banner". My immediate thought was "Oh no, I'm missing the game". It's funny how that gut reaction took hold and the years of conditioning burst forth as I realized I didn't have to go to the game!!!

Eventually the anxiety of not attending the many school events stopped. I still look forward to this time of year and the sights and sounds of fall.

Now I'm excited to hear about my grandchildren's school experiences. The cycle may very well repeat itself as my grandchildren are growing way too fast. My goal is to be in a place in my life that I am able to again attend activities my grandchildren choose to be involved in when that time comes.

I'm trying to spend my time constructively while I'm living in the "North Woods". It's very pretty here. I look out my window at the oak, pine and birch trees. They provide a beautiful background and hopefully will inspire my writing.

The trees are starting to turn. The sky is so blue. The stars number in the millions. The sunsets over the lake are gorgeous. The drive to and from work is certainly made more pleasant by the sights. Kind of takes my mind off the amount of gas spent getting from one place to the other around here.

Anyway, I just thought I should ramble on a bit because I haven't written in a while.

Better go, as I do have some serious writing to do for my class and have been avoiding it. I do have a lot to accomplish in the next couple months so you should be hearing from me more often as that is one of my goals.

Have a great week.

Katies Tonic .....

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